


Trashmouth and Spaghetti man take on the world.

by a_pottymouthed_parrot



Category: IT (1990), IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Bisexual Richie Tozier, Eventual Smut, Fix-It, Fluff, Gay Disaster Eddie Kaspbrak, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, Light Angst, M/M, Post-Canon, Richie Tozier is a Little Shit, Romance, Smut, roasting eachother is their ~love language~
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-06
Updated: 2020-03-09
Packaged: 2021-02-19 10:48:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22143028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_pottymouthed_parrot/pseuds/a_pottymouthed_parrot
Summary: Hahaha I actually finished the book and decided that I was writing these boys all wrong so I am done with this one. I have another work based on them now so if you want to check it out. I'll leave this up but it's not very good. Cheers! :)
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Kudos: 18





	1. Your mom doesn't take too kindly to me cheating on her with her own son, huh? (part 1)

**Author's Note:**

> This one is the first chapter of a lil series hehe. Feel free to leave comments or ideas. XOXO- Gossip Girl <3

Eddie jolted upright in his bed. Those big brown eyes of his scanning the room before they settled on me.  
“Jesus fucking Christ Richie you’re gonna give me a heart attack,”  
“Not if I give your mom one first spaghetti man.”  
“Fuck off.” He huffed, upturning the covers for me. There was a brief moment of silence where I thought he had gone back to sleep, but me and my dumb fucking mouth can't be alone together in silence for more than a minute.  
“Sorry if I woke you up Eds. I just couldn’t sleep.”  
“Nightmares?”  
“Pip pip cheerio old sport.” I nodded as Toodles the English butler, sliding off my shoes and climbing into bed with him. It’s the middle of winter, so his usual squeaky clean, asylum white sheets have been replaced with flannel. His bed smells like him. When I first met him I didn’t think he had a smell because the little guy showers so often, its there but it's faint and indistinguishable unless you, like me, have made it your life’s mission to know everything there is to know about Edward Kasprack.  
“And don’t call me Ed’s dickwad.” He hissed mid-yawn.  
“I love the way you talk to me Eddie baby it really makes me feel good about myself.”  
“You’re the one who climbs in my window practically every night.” He turned toward me.  
“Guess I'm a glutton for punishment.” I winked  
“Kinky,” He yawned again, wrinkling his nose and his perfect goddamn freckles.  
“Not as kinky as your m-”  
“Zip it trashmouth or you can sleep on the floor.”  
“That’s no way to talk to your stepfather Eduardo-”  
“I’m serious cut it out” he flicked me in the middle of my forehead, he was not serious however, because spaghetti man needed me to sleep as much as I needed him. Well maybe not as much but he didn’t kick me out of his bed, which is a start. A few seconds later he pulled me in, resting his forehead against my chest and wrapping his twiggy little arms around my waist. I ran my fingers through his hair in gentle circles. It was so soft and clean. He tangled his legs in mine and then hesitated. “What the fuck, since when do you wear socks to bed that's disgusting.” He whispered, not letting go of me.  
“Since it’s colder than a witches tit. Which would you rather have, freezing troll feet in the bed with you or socked troll feet.”  
“You’re right about you being a troll.” He giggled, then clapped a hand over his mouth in an attempt to not wake his mother.  
“Shhh.” his little laugh is enough to send my heart leaping out of my chest. Which he probably hears. And the little shit giggles again, which restarts the vicious cycle. There’s just a touch of street lamp coming in through the window, now closed. Eddie leaves it a little bit open for me, even in the winter. Thus the flannel sheets. The light, as faint as it is, lights up his face. I want to kiss him but I don’t. I want to tie his little arms around me like a tourniquet but I don’t. 

Derry is a homophobic town. That’s just how it is. It’s a teensy weensy town full of men with teensy weensy dicks and teensy weensy minds but that’s not why I won’t… haven’t...won’t tell Eddie how I feel. Quite frankly the town of Derry can lick my dick and my balls. The problem is that Eddie feels untouchable. Like I don’t even deserve the time I do get with him, because all I can do is seize up and make ‘your mom’ jokes until the cows come home. And even if I were to tell him, he would be concerned about the dickless mob. And his mom has him half-convinced that if a homo so much as breathes on him he’s going to keel over and die from AIDS. It’s a good thing I’m only half of a homo I guess.

It’s Saturday morning, which means his mom (be still my heart) is taking her weekly shopping trip, leaving spaghetti man and me alone, knee-bucklingly alone.  
“What do you wanna do today Ed’s,” I say, ruffling his hair. He grabs my wrist.  
“Cut that out, will you? I just gelled that.”  
“Ah Spaghetti man gels his hair, what a good nice clean boy that spaghetti man.”  
“Shut the fuck up Richie.”  
“Make me.”  
“You think I won’t?” There's something in the way he’s looking at me that makes me want to put on fresh chapstick.  
“I don’t think you will!” He pins me down against his bed, knees on either side of my hips. “Get off man” Oh no.  
“Make me.”  
“Eddie, seriously get off of me.”  
“Why?” And then he figured out why. “Jesus fuck Richie, really?” He jumped off of me, disgusted.  
“I'm sorry Eds it's not like I can control it.” Then I switched into kinky briefcase. “According to my calculations- “  
“Beep beep Richie.”  
“You were on top of me and I-”  
“Beep fucking beep”  
“I’m sorry.” I finally shut up.  
“You didn’t seem very sorry when your dick was-”  
“Beep beep Eddie.” I joked, trying and failing not to show the hurt in my voice.  
“Sorry Rich-”  
“Just stop. Please.”  
“Richie I’m not mad, happens to the best of us.” He slung his arm around me.  
“It’s not supposed to.” Eddie was silent. He didn’t seem upset anymore, a slight blush on his cheeks that I tried to ignore. Tried and failed. My face got hot too. Feverish even.  
“I feel that way sometimes too. About other boys. About you.” He whispered after a long pause, his arm still around my shoulders.  
“You do?”  
“Unless that was really just a fluke then pretend I didn’t say anything.” His face was beet red. I took his arm off of my shoulder and held his hand at my side, shaking my head.  
“I don’t think it was a fluke Eds.”  
“Don’t call me Eds.” He squeezed my hand. Eddie put his head on my shoulder and I gently kissed the top of his head through his hair. I squeezed his hand back. We were no strangers to being close. This was a typical position for us to assume at the barrens, or in the hammock, but it somehow felt different. More intimate but not in a sexual way, just pure unadulterated vulnerability. He, in turn, plants one on my shoulder.  
“Sorry.”  
“S’okay, I think that’s the first time you’ve apologized for calling me names.”  
“Don’t get used to it spaghetti man.” He laughs and punches my arm with his other hand. Still holding mine tightly. He then buries his head in the crook of my neck. I don’t tell him then. Not because I think he doesn’t feel the same way, I’m not a fucking moron, but because I know that he does. I can’t be what Eddie deserves. He is so good. And clean. And I am loud and obnoxious and I make a mess of everything. I bury my nose in his hair, searching for the Eddie smell but only getting Irish spring. So I search harder.  
“Geez, Richie are you trying to smell my brain.”  
“How much soap do you use? That can’t be good for the environment man,” I tried out a new hippy voice.  
“At least I use soap asshole, seriously do you brush your teeth with garlic.”  
“Your mom doesn’t seem to mind.”  
“Seriously dude. Stop making jokes about my mom.”  
“Ah whatever, you know you love me.”  
“So?” He said quietly.  
“Me too.” Dammit, I wasn’t going to tell him.  
“You too what?”  
“I love you, Eddie.”  
“Shut up that was totally not how I wanted to tell you.”  
“Tell me what.”  
“Fuck you.” He paused. “I love you too asshole, god I can’t believe that’s how it came out.” He grabbed me by the shirt, holding it tight in his fists, forcing me to look at it. “I love you love you, Richie.”  
“Me too.” I swallowed, looking down at him.  
“Gay,” He whispered as he pulled my lips down to his. My eyes widened. What the fresh fuck. He pulled away tentatively before I could register what was happening. I pulled him back to me, kissing him back like the world was going to end. Part of me felt like it was going to. Like this burning feeling in the pit of my stomach that I had been feeling for him for the better part of years was going to burn out when I realized he liked me back. As we were kissing I checked to make sure it was still there and sure enough, it was scorching me from the inside like always, if not brighter and hotter. His tongue seemed to be requesting permission to enter so I opened my mouth a little and sure enough, he slid it into my mouth, and I was so overcome with the feeling that I almost forgot to kiss him back. He was still clutching my shirt, his knuckles went white with how tight he was holding on. My hands were holding on to his waist, pulling him closer, inching up the sides of his polo shirt to put my hands on his bare skin. He climbed over me, his knees on either side of one of my legs. I finally had my hands on his skin when we heard the front door open from downstairs.  
“Eddie bear, I got your aspirator refilled.” His mom croaked from downstairs.  
“Fuck,” I muttered as he climbed off of me.  
“Is someone up there with you? It better not be the Tozier boy, I don’t like the way he talks.” I giggled as he clamped his hand over my mouth.  
“No mom, no one’s up here.” He yelled downstairs, out of breath, I was proud of that. “You have to go, my mom hates you,” he whispered.  
“I guess she doesn’t take kindly to me cheating on her with her own son,” I whispered back.  
“God, do you ever shut up?” He rolled his eyes, smiling, and pulled me back in. “I’m serious though you have to go.” He pulled me up and started pushing me toward the window. As I shimmied down the drainpipe I saw him watching me and for the first time, I couldn’t bring myself to look away. Eddie Kasprack looked at me like I was the stars, and I felt some, not all, just the top layer of my insecurities turn to dust. When I got to the ground I blew him a dramatic kiss, like a woman in an old movie whose husband was going to war. He pretended to catch it and zip it into his fanny pack, which made me laugh.  
“Meet at my house?” I shouted up at him, letting up the kickstand on my bike. He just nodded and smiled. Holy fuck.


	2. Your mom doesn't take too kindly to me cheating on her with her own son, huh? (Part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> End of this little one-shot I divided into two parts (I ig it's a two-shot?). Just Eddie being bad at communication as Richie confesses his undying love for him. They make out. Endless supply of your mom jokes so be warned.

“Eddie-bear?” My mom called to me from downstairs.   
“Yes, mama?” I responded, rushing to her side. I felt so stupid, like a cocker spaniel bringing it’s master his pair of slippers.   
“What took you so long?”   
“I don’t know mam,”   
“You sure there wasn’t anyone in your room, Eds?” She sneered from her brown, leather armchair. I remembered why I hated the nickname so much as it kicked me in the teeth. The only time I didn’t seem to mind was when Richie said it. Not that I’d ever give the bastard the satisfaction.   
“I’m positive.”   
“Only fools are positive.” She laughed slightly. “What are your plans today?” She asked as if she were already finding ways to convince me otherwise. To stay holed up here in this dingy little house with her until we both were nothing but piles of dust, hers of course much bigger. I tried to think of a lie.   
“Taking a CPR class at the library with Stan.” I whispered, glancing at the ticking clock on the wall, which starts in 15 minutes.”   
“What do you need to know CPR for Eddie-bear?”   
“In case,” Think Kasprack, Think! “In case something were to happen to you mommy, so I can take care of you.”   
“Oh, Ed’s” She smothered me in her bosom. I could hear Richie's voice in the back of my head saying something lewd about her breasts. I think it worked. “That’s a good boy, kiss?” I kissed her cheek and it was like kissing an uncooked Christmas ham, cold and clammy and, you know, smelling of ham. Entirely unpleasant. I practically skipped out the door. It was colder than I wanted it to be and I reached for my inhaler, taking a few puffs before mounting my bike and taking the short ride to Richie’s house.   
His house was a lot bigger than mine. It seemed daunting in a way it never had before. I have been here a million times, knocked on this door more times than I can count. Why can’t I just--   
“Eddie my love!” Richie saw me through the window and yelled down at me. I couldn’t help the smile creeping on my face. “Come on in!” I hesitated with my hand over the crystal doorknob. Now, after what we had said last night, after what he and I had done, this was the point of no return. I knew if I crossed the threshold he and I would kiss again and last night wouldn’t be some freak accident, especially considering the fact that my lips felt drawn to him like magnets, finally pulling me through the door. “I hope your mom didn’t give you too much of a hard time, I mean I certainly gave her a hard time last night.”  
“Very funny Rich, your folks home?”   
“No why?” I pulled him in by his stupid Hawaiian shirt and kissed him, harder than before with teeth clacking and lips scraping. This wasn’t a mistake, right? But the way he was kissing me back gave me my answer as his long fingers twined in my hair. A shiver, a fucking visible shiver ran down my spine and he laughed. At me or with me I don’t care as he pulls me by my waist so I’m flush against the front of him. “Not to sound gross my dearest Eddie Spaghetti, but do you wanna take this upstairs? Somewhere we can sit down and talk because I don’t want this to just be a one-time thing.” I nodded as he pulled me up the stairs. The Trashmouth is silent for one of the first times since I’d known him, and I missed the sound of his voice.   
We get to his room and he pulls me in by my polo shirt, leaving me stunned. And he pulls away just as quickly.  
“You and I have to talk.” He whispers.  
“Hey, you kissed me, I thought that’s what we were doing.”   
“I know, sorry.”   
“I’m not mad if that’s what you’re worried about.”   
“I love you. Which I told you already, but um. Shit, this is harder than I thought.” He sits on the edge of his bed, bouncing his knee frantically as he tries to recover his own words from the confines of his curly hair. “Did you mean what you said last night? When you said you love me too because I can’t keep doing this if you don’t Eds,” There he goes again, calling me Eds, making my heart swell three sizes. I stay standing because I don’t trust myself not to climb him like an oak tree if I sit beside him. Say something Eddie, say anything Eddie. Put this beautiful boy out of his misery. Instead, all I can manage to squeak out is:   
“Don’t call me Eds”   
“Seriously Eddie?” He rakes his fingers through his hair again, catching at knots. “I'm over here confessing my undying love and all you can say is ‘Don’t call me Eds?’” He said that last bit in his squeaky impression of me that sounds more like a little girl than anything else, but he has tears welling in his eyes. I walked over to him and placed my hand on the side of his face, cupping it just below the cheekbone.   
“Sorry, I choked.” Nothing else would come out. I love him? Yes absolutely but no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t squeak it out because that would mean admitting it. I just rest my forehead against his. “Ditto.”   
“Oooh, now I get a ditto? Romantic!” I punched him in the arm for that one.   
“I don’t know I’ve never said it to anyone before…”  
“You said it to me last night asswipe!”  
“That was different you caught me off guard!” Our foreheads are still touching.  
“So? Did you not mean it.”   
“Of course I meant it, Richie, I feel like I have since before I met you. Like everything in my life built up until I met you and once I did the universe was just like ‘Fuck you Edward Kasprack! Here’s the love of your life! Knobbly knees, your mom jokes and all! And he’s (because of course, he’s a he) going to call you names and push you around but you’re going to love every goddamn second of it because you need an excuse to touch him.’ and there the fuck you were Rich. And I hated myself for it for so long because I felt like I was going to ruin everything by worrying too much, and-and,” I took a hit from my inhaler because I was talking at a million miles a minute.  
“Eddie-”  
“Will you shut up Trashmouth? I’m not finished. I hated myself because I won’t be able to be the kind of adventure you know you need in your life, and sure teasing me to the ends of the earth might be fun now, but what about when we’re old and gray, and gay and neither of us can even remember what my mom looks like enough for you to constantly make jokes about fucking her? And I’m nagging you about germs and-and meds and I make you eat kale? Will you still,” I’m still dancing around the word love, just about every other word in the English language came out but not love. Until my floodgates opened, and it finally did. As well as a stream of tears. “LOVE me, Richie? Am I going to be enough for you?”  
“Eds, Eddie, you already are. You always have been. I was scared to tell you because I thought one day you were going to get annoyed with me and leave. That’s what most of my other childhood friends seemed to do. Except you, and the losers, but most importantly you. It’s always been you.” And then he kissed me, softer than any of the times before. I couldn’t tell if our cheeks were wet from me, or from him but regardless it made my face cold everywhere but my lips. My lips with a live wire running through them. My lips with Richie Tozier, the ultimate ‘Live wire’ on them. “And if you think I’m ever going to forget about your mom, the best lay I’ve ever had, you’re dead wrong Kasprack.”   
“Maybe she’s only the best lay you’ve ever had, for now.” I couldn’t believe the words coming out of my mouth.   
“Cute,cute,cute! Dammit, now I’m gonna have to end things with her for sure, she’ll say: ‘Richie, my dear sweet Richie. Is it another woman?’ and I’ll have to say: ‘No Mrs. K, it’s not a woman’ and she’ll cry and beg me to stay, she’ll wonder how she’s ever going to live without me dicking her down every night with my magnum dong, but I’ll still say ‘No Mrs. K, it’s not a woman. It’s a teeny tiny little man with gorgeous brown eyes and a smackable little ass, and she’ll say--”   
“Fuck! Enough Richie!”  
“No! You got your little speech, now I get mine! She’ll say: ‘that sounds like my Eddie-bear’ and I’ll say: ‘He’s my Eddie-Bear now!’ and whisk you away into the sunset.”   
“Are you done now?”   
“Let's call it a sabbatical spaghetti man.” And I kissed him again. I could feel him smiling against my lips. I slung a leg over each of his thighs, straddling him as his arms slithered their way around my waist, pulling me tighter. So tight I thought maybe he was trying to morph us into one person like something out of a comic book, and quite frankly I think that sounds wonderful. Just being able to be that close with him forever. Hot.   
“You know, your voice for my mom and your voice for me sound shockingly similar Rich,”   
“You wound me, you really do.” He started kissing down my neck and something in my gut, a beast of some kind awoke and started trying to claw its way out of its cage. My hips started grinding against his at their own accord. Was this what being with Richie was going to feel like? Because I should have accidentally told him I love him a lot sooner.


	3. Gimme a hand here will ya?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fix it fic! Eddie and Richie in the hospital (in my head they go to third base at the hotel after Richie figures out being gay is his big fear™ and he wants to fight it, thats when they did love confession 2, electric boogaloo)(Thats the next chapter lol because I write what I want, when I want). Yes I was slightly inspired by that one episode on Victorious- judge me all you want. So basically, dumb goons in love. Also I know nothing about hospitals so this is not medically accurate.

“Eddie, Ed’s baby it’s going to be okay I’m gonna get you out of here”  
“Richie, you can’t you have to take that fucking clown down man.”  
“Not without y-“  
“Then do it for me, just promise me when you get out of here you’ll start writing your own jokes, because if I have to watch you be an absolute asshole from heaven I will come down and bitchslap you”  
“Eddie seriously? You’re making jokes? YOU’RE FUCKING DYING ASSHOLE!”  
“And you’re wasting time” he didn’t sound like Eddie. He sounded broken, and quiet. My clothes were soaked with his blood, his right arm nowhere to be found but the belly of the beast.  
“I love you and I’m coming back for you so don’t die. Please.”  
“I’ll do my best but if I don’t make it I need to tell you something.” His face was dirty, eyes glazed over from the pain, he cupped my cheek with his remaining hand. “I fucked your mom.”  
A single tear made a trail down my cheek. 

“ED’S, WE ARE GOING TO GET YOU OUT OF HERE JUST HOLD ON.” I slung him over my shoulders in a fireman’s carry, adrenaline I didn’t know I had coursing through my veins like heroin.  
“Rich, he’s dead, he’ll slow us down, the place is collapsing.” Bev almost whispered.  
“He’s not fucking dead Bev. I lost him once, I’m not doing it again.” And then we ran.  
When we got to the hospital the first thing they asked was for his blood type.  
“B positive.” I said, uncertainty tainting the edges of my voice.  
“Are you sure? We couldn’t find a drivers license on him.”  
“I’m sure.” Ben looked confused.  
“We had biology together sophomore year, we had to do one of those little kits, I teased him for the rest of the semester, told him to live up to his blood type and just-“  
“Be positive?” Bill smiled gently and clapped me on the shoulder. I lost it. Pulling him into me and sobbing into his hair. He just ran his fingers in lazy circles over my back.  
“If Eddie dies, that’s it for me.” I didn’t know what it meant when I said it. Suicide threat? Fear of never finding love again? Fear of never coming out?  
“You really love him.” Bev murmured. It wasn’t a question.  
“Are any of you family?” The nurse asked.  
“No- but we are as close as he’s got, especially Richie here, he’s practically the guy’s boyfriend.” Bev said.  
“I’m sorry I can’t let any of you back unless you’re family. Does he have any family we can get in contact with?”  
“Wife.” Ben clapped a hand over his mouth. Bev swatted at him as the nurse waited for him to elaborate. “Myra Kaspbrak? They’re a bad fight away from divorce though- so I don’t know how much she’ll help…”  
“Do any of you have a way to contact her?” We all shook our heads. “Thanks for your help.”  
“I didn’t know things were going that bad between him and Myra.” Bill wonders out loud.  
“Oh yeah, Eddie and I got drunk our first night here at the hotel bar and he told me all about it. Remembering Derry made him think that she’s just like his mom and you all know how Eddie’s mom was-“ Mike said, the first thing he said since we had gotten to the hospital. Expectant eyes look at me in shock. I’m staring into the sterile abstract blue wallpaper trying to make it look like something, the way kids look for shapes in clouds. Eddie and I used to do that together.  
“No comments from the peanut gallery?” Beverly squeezes my thigh, right above my knee.  
“I’m just trying not to fall apart Bev.”  
“I’m surprised you’re not more interested in Eddie’s impending divorce.” Bill jokes, but it falls flat.  
“Look big Bill, at the time being, I don’t give a fuck whether or not the guy gets a divorce. He could get multiple wives like one of those fucking Mormons for all I care. I’m just focusing on him not dying, trying to put that into the universe before I ask for any more miracles. The first time I lost him it almost killed me and he was still alive then.” I didn’t realize it but I was bouncing my leg, frantically. And as much as I was trying to be selfless, just to think of Eddie, I was hoping he would divorce Myra. Bev held my hand and squeezed.  
“Sorry Richie.” Bill quieted down and we sat in a mind numbing silence. Which was good for me because I needed my mind to be numb. I didn’t want to think about Eddie dying anymore. I couldn’t think about Eddie dying anymore. Or my thoughts would pickle my head until it exploded in a pile of goo, all over the stupid plastic chair I sat in. The nurse rushed back out. “Are any of you B positive? He needs a blood transfusion and we are fresh out.” She looked frantic.  
“I am.” I held up my arm.  
“Who needs to be positive now?” Mike asked.  
“Beep Beep Mike.” Ben swatted at him. The nurse rushed me back to a large room with beds and curtains and sat me on one.  
“Do you want any of your friends with you for support?”  
“Beverly.” She nodded and left the room as another nurse started giving me the blood donation shtick. Blah blah blah if you feel dizzy blah blah blah aids- Bev showed up, red hair and a smile and a peaceful film covered me. At least she was here. God bless that woman. I signed a few forms and before I knew it, there was a needle in my arm.  
“Take as much as you need, I have no will to live.” Bev rolled her eyes at me for that one. Genuinely, if they needed all of my blood to save Eddie they could have it. I just wanted them to bring me back my sunshine. I didn’t care if he wasn’t all in one piece I just needed him with me. I forgot how good it felt to have him around me constantly, the soap smell, the neat hair and the woosh sound his inhaler makes, the way his nose crinkles when he’s pretending to be annoyed with me; the little Eddie details I didn’t know I missed until I had them in my fingertips.  
They didn’t need all of my blood it turns out. Eddie was stable now, and could wake up at any time, and since Myra hasn’t showed up yet they finally let us in to see him one at a time. The losers decided to let me go first. I practically ran to the room and what I saw was tubes, wires and buried beneath it all, Eddie, my Eddie. I instantly sat down and grab his remaining hand, which despite everything is still clean and so very Eddie it almost makes me cry. Short fingers with pink fingernails and softer than silk.  
“Eddie, I love you, and I need you to wake up. I love you love you. I have since we were kids, which you know, but I felt like I needed to tell you.” I squeezed his hand. “Leave your wife and come live in LA with me? Or I’ll move to New York but Jesus Ed’s you make me happy, and I haven’t been happy in the longest time. And I don’t think you’re happy either. Even if you are happy with Myra just wake up- that’s really all I’m asking Ed’s. Just be alive. Still be Eddie?” I hear a sound. “Ed’s?” A groan in protest and I laugh, my face already aching from how hard I’m smiling. I reach to press the call button, to get the nurse without leaving his side when Eddie stops me.  
“No, need to be alone with you for a sec-“ he’s loopy sure, but he’s alive and he’s Eddie and that’s all I can ever want from him. “ Imnot happy with Myra. Happy with you. LA?” And then he nods.  
“You’ll live with me in LA?” He nods again, sleepier this time. “I really should get the nurse-“  
“What the fUCK WHERES MY ARM??” that sends the nurse running in before I can get her as Eddie frantically looks around. “Will you help me look? Give me a hand?” And then the bastard giggles.  
“I would baby but I think you’d be a little lopsided, I’m a lot bigger than you-“  
“Fuck off, size doesn’t matter. ``I love you.”  
“Love you too Ed’s.”  
“What happened to my arm Rich?” They had started injecting the sedative to calm him down so his speech slurred.  
“Well, it made like your mom at the abortion clinic and got ripped off.” The nurses glared at me but the corners of Eddie’s pink lips turned up.  
“Fuck you man.”  
“Maybe after you heal spaghetti man.”  
“Huh,” He was deep in thought, he reached for my hand and I took it, interlacing our fingers. “You haven’t called me spaghetti man or Eddie Spaghetti until just then. You said Ed’s but not those ones. How come?”  
“I was worried about you. I always worry about you Eddie but especially when you get your arm ripped off.” I rested my forehead against his, I don’t know why but it felt right. His breathing hitched.  
“Do you really, you know, want to fuck me after I’ve healed?”  
“Jesus do the sedatives get rid of your filter?”  
“A little” a remaining nurse whispered, gesturing with her fingers.  
“Maybe not until after my blood isn’t swimmin’ around in your boner Eds.” I kissed his forehead and sat back down at his side.  
“Ew, wait I needed a transfusion?” The nurse nods. “And Richie donated- Gross Rich, really gross. Ever been tested for hepatitis?”  
“Yes Eddie, I've been tested”  
He nodded knowingly. “Whore. Doesn’t answer my question.”  
“No I don’t have hepatitis! Seriously? You were just asking me if I wanted to- and now you’re asking me if I have-You know I haven't even done anything with anyone in a while” The nurse finally left after making sure Eddie’s vitals were stable.  
“I was in a horrendous marriage and even I got laid Tozier.”  
“It’s not that I didn’t get any just not full sex, ya know, past third base. I always choked.”  
“Clearly.” I missed him so much it was hard to breathe.  
“So you’re moving in with me huh Spaghetti?”  
“Yeah, I mean if you still want me to. I wouldn’t want to interrupt all of your sex having-”  
“Fuck off, you’ll be the only one I’ll be having sex with dumbass.”  
“If you even know how to do it by then.”  
“I have a feeling it’s like riding a bike-”  
“Except I’ll be doing the riding.” He winks. My heart starts doing the macarena.  
“Might be hard with one arm.”  
“Oh, it’ll definitely be hard Richie.”


	4. Seriously dude? You’re going to do this right now?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richie decides he needs to tell Eddie he loves him after his encounter with Pennywise in the park. Smut ensues. :) aka love confession 2 electric boogaloo.

There’s a heavy-handed knock at my door. “DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT TIME IT IS ASSHOLE?”  
“Sorry Eds, I had to see you.” Richie stands there like a fever dream, he’s got on a wrinkled T-shirt, and his hair is all crazy like he’s been tossing and turning. He grabs me by the shoulders and kisses me. It feels different than kissing him used to. Now it’s all stubble and chapped lips with the burn of whiskey. But it hasn’t really changed. He’s still all tongue and teeth. It’s still the hottest thing I can possibly imagine. He pauses and pulls away. His lips are wet.  
“Sorry about that.”  
“Richie what the fuck,” he realized he was still holding my shoulders, and put his arms by his sides, tapping them against his thigh from nerves.  
“I’m bisexual.”  
“Okay?”  
“And I think I love you. Well I do love you and I have since we were kids. Since we were together.I forgot about you, I’m not going to pretend I didn't, but I don’t think my heart did Like I have this empty feeling in my chest; and I have since I left Derry. I just thought I was depressed but then you were there at the Chinese restaurant looking all beautiful and I didn’t feel empty anymore. I haven’t been able to even like anyone else Ed’s, not really anyways. And Pennywise came at me today and called me sick and that’s what it took to realize that I can’t let fear run my life anymore man. And that was the main thing I was scared of.” He raked his hand through his hair and scraped his bottom lip with his teeth, he looked shaky.  
“Well I knew you were bi-we dated through high school, remember?”  
“Ed’s we forgot high school after we left Derry,”  
“Ah, well there’s that.”  
“And I love you.”  
“I love you too.”  
“Really?”  
“Yes really, just kiss me again before I change my mind.” He hesitated and I worried I crossed a line. I worried he was going to be his usual Richie self and say ‘awe look I got little Eddie Spaghetti all hot and bothered,’ but he didn’t. He just looked at me through his ridiculous glasses with eyes full of sunshine and pulled me toward him by my waist, lifting me and hugging me against him. My hands were in his hair and I have never felt so alive. I wrapped my legs around him, and he in turn pushed me against the wall, then he laughed.  
“Spagheds?”  
“Don’t call me that or I’ll make you go to your own room.”  
“Think we should close the door?” I blushed. Had he really intoxicated me to the point where I didn’t think of that?  
“What do you think fucknuts?”  
“Ah I think I should close it?” He went to close it and took me with him. I hooked my ankles around his back.  
“Put me down you ass!”  
“There is no way I am letting you go now.” And he pushed me back against the wall and kissed me again, and again, and again. My chin was almost raw from his stubble but that was kind of hot, not that I’d ever admit that to Richie, I was going to complain about it incessantly tomorrow.  
“Richie-“ he started kissing my neck, sucking bruises in his path. The losers are going to give us so much shit tomorrow. A moan escaped when he started palming me through my pajama pants.  
“Eddie-“ he grumbled. “I haven’t done this in a while,”  
“I don’t care.” I was out of breath, the kind of out of breath that made me reach for my inhaler despite not having asthma. An existential windedness.  
“Like a really long while spaghetti man.” I sighed.  
“How long Rich?”  
“Well it depends on what you mean.”  
“How long since you’ve gotten any sort of action? Hand stuff counts.”  
“2 years. I got a blowjob in the bathroom after one of my shows.”  
“Didn’t need to know that…”  
“I’m just saying I don’t know if I’ll be any good.”  
“Richie, as long as it’s you I know it will be.” He kissed me again, softer, less teeth and more love and I think it’s the best kiss we have ever had. Not that I mind the teeth, it’s kind of hot. “We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”  
“I want to suck your dick.”  
“Can you put me down first?”  
“Oh yeah.” And he set me down on the ground. I don’t usually realize how much taller than me he is until he’s this close. I drag him down by his T-shirt and kiss him again, walking backwards into the hotel room until the bed hits the back of my knees. I sit on the bed and Richie falls to his knees in front of my without breaking the kiss. He pulled off my shirt and started kissing my neck again, making new hickies. I keep sighing his name. “You sure you want to do this?”  
“Never been surer.”  
“Is that a word?” He laughs between kisses and starts kissing down my chest.  
“I’m pretty sure it’s a word.”  
“Doubt that.” He says, playing with the drawstrings on my pajama pants.  
“Tease” I throw my head back when he finally touches where I desperately needed him to touch. My heart almost stops. He hooks his fingers in the side of my pants and pulls them down. The cold air hits me and I gasp. He licks a stripe up the shaft and closes his lips around my head. I moan again, louder. With Myra I was always quiet. Maybe it’s because there were too many expectations. But with Richie I feel like I’m flying.  
“Is this ok?” He asks after a while.  
“It’s more than ok Rich.”  
“You sure you’re not just saying that?”  
“Richie please stop talking.”  
“Aye aye captain!” He says in a gravelly pirate voice, and he dives back down, taking me in his mouth entirely, hollowing his cheeks as he comes back up for air.  
“Rich, take off your shirt.”  
“Why?”  
“Because I feel weird being the only one who’s naked.”  
“Anything for you Eddie,” and then he pulled his shirt off and kissed me again before going back down. He’s going faster now and every time he slides back down I don’t just see stars, I see galaxies waiting to be explored. Both of my hands are tangled in his curly hair, gently tugging. I’d say that I am practically screaming his name but it doesn’t feel like I’m in control, and for once in my life I don’t mind. “Richie, I-I’m about there.”  
“Good.” He smirks, lips his lips and dives back in one more time. Going faster than ever before, was he teasing me before? It felt so good I didn’t notice.  
“RICHIE!” I cried as I came, and he stayed, swallowing it. “Gross, seriously?”  
“What? I wanna take in as much of you as I can.”  
“You’re disgusting. You’re going to have to brush your teeth if you want to continue.” I wrinkle my nose at him  
“Seriously dude? You’re going to do this right now? Not even thirty seconds ago you were chanting my name and now I’m disgusting?”  
“Did you just call me dude? And yes, do you know how many germs are in cum?”  
“THEY'RE YOUR GERMS!”  
“YOU’RE A GERM!”  
“Fine, I’ll brush my teeth, but only because my boner is ripping a hole in my sweatpants man, you’re lucky I love you.”  
“Yes I am.”  
“That means I have to go back to my room to get my toothbrush.”  
“Wait, if you leave and then come back the losers will know something is up.”  
“As if they don’t already asswipe, you aren’t exactly quiet in the sack. But that could just be my superior lovemaking.”  
“Jesus do you ever shut up? I have listerine under the sink in the bathroom.”  
He gargled with mouthwash and then came back to me. “Your turn.” I said as I pulled him back down to the bed so he was on top of me, straddling me and kissing all the while. Minty fresh. “I’m sorry I can’t give you head but Henry Bowers kind of stabbed me in the face and I don’t think a dick in my mouth would help the situation.”  
“You don’t have to do anything you aren’t comfortable with.”  
I slid my hand into his pants, but stayed over his underwear. “This ok?” I sighed into his neck. He just nodded. “That shut you up.”  
“Fuck off,” he laughed against my lips.  
“This is my room douchebag.”  
“I love it when you talk dirty to me spaghetti man.” I nipped at his neck and he laughed again breathlessly. I flipped us over so he was on his back, I spit in my hand and then finally put my hand in his underwear, stroking him with one hand as I tried to take his pants and boxers off with the other. He was panting heavily, a moan escaping here and there but he definitely wasn’t as loud as I was. That’s a first.  
“You’re bigger than I remember.” I breathed into his neck.  
“Well, 27 years’ll do that to ya.” He laughed again. “I love you.”  
“I love you too.” I started to move faster and I could feel him writhing beneath me.  
“Fuck how’d you get so good at this? Oh god!” He practically cried when I rubbed my thumb over the slit.  
“Sensitive after 2 years Rich?” He just nodded and squeezed his eyes shut, thighs and breath shaky.  
“I’m not gonna last much longer!”  
“You better not, my wrist is cramping up.” I laughed. That did it for Richie. He absolutely disintegrated, and I felt it all over my hand, hot and warm. “Thanks for the warning asshole!”  
“I told you I wasn’t going to last!”  
“Doesn’t count as a warning!”  
“Yes it does.”  
“No it doesn’t and I need to wash my hands right fucking now.” I kissed him lightly on the chin and rushed to the bathroom, he followed me and leaned against the doorway.  
“Fuck,”  
“What is it?”  
“You’re still married, which makes me your mistress.”  
“Oh shit, I guess you’re right. How does it feel being the other woman?”  
“I know she’s no competition, unless the fight for your love is a hot dog eating contest, then I’m absolutely fucked.”  
“I don’t know Rich, you seem to know your way around a wiener…” and he laughed. He leaned down, tilted my head up with his hands and kissed me again.  
“Does your lawyer do prenups?” He said when we parted.  
“We are not getting a prenup, also who says we are getting married? Maybe we’ll just play gay chicken for the next 50 years,”  
“I am a celebrity, it’s what we do. Plus I’m pretty sure gay chicken ended when I put your dick in my mouth Eddie Spaghetti.”  
“Well, most celebrities didn’t meet the loves of their lives in elementary school, and don’t fucking call me Eddie spaghetti or you can sleep in your own room tonight.” We kissed again. “I love you.”  
“I love you too Ed’s,” I kissed the tip of his nose and he giggled.  
“Is it sad that that was the best sex I’ve ever had?”  
“Baby, that was only third base,” he wiggled his thick eyebrows at me.  
“God, I feel like a teenager.”  
“Well, we have a lot of lost time to make up for.”


	5. I would like nothing more than to leave you and run away with whoever is plaguing me with these dreams I can’t escape.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie is really gay, but he is doing his very best to be straight for Myra, who is a sex FIEND and no one can convince me otherwise. He has been having strange dreams about a man with curly hair.

Myra and I have a weekly routine when it comes to things like this, like sex, like intimacy. Of course we have a weekly routine for most things; pills, cooking, cleaning, shopping, sex. Nothing is special or sacred or spontaneous it’s just, weekly. So as Myra snakes her thick arms around me and pulls me into her arm chair, I do my best to give in. I want to let myself disappear into her but I just can’t. It’s like when you have a word on the tip of your tongue and you can’t focus on anything else. She has me straddling her, the only position that works with our size difference, which usually makes it easier to imagine it’s someone else. Someone with long slender fingers and dark curly hair. His face is blank and blurry but kissing his lips are better than kissing Myra’s has ever been.

“Eddie-bear, what’s the matter?” I’ve been having dreams of a very tall boy I can’t remember, and they leave me in a cold sweat.   
“Nothing.” She starts kissing my neck and it’s like getting a hickey from a mannequin, it doesn’t feel bad just… wrong. She’s reaching for the edge of my shirt now. This is one of my least favorite parts of the week I realize. 

“You sure? Because you’re not very enthusiastic…” “Am I ever very enthusiastic Myra? Do you want to do this or not?” That shut her up, finally. 

“There’s no need to be rude…”

“I’m sorry Myra, can we just forget about it?”   
“You’re not even hard.” She mumbles. “Do you not find me attractive anymore? Is that it?” Yes 100 percent.   
“No, of course not.” A single tear streams down her crabapple cheeks and I wipe it away with my thumb. “I think I’m just tired Myra.”   
“Eddie I’ve been banking on this all day, feel, I’m so wet.” She shoves my hand to a place I don’t want it to be.   
“Jesus Myra!”   
“Does that turn you on?” She grabs my crotch.   
“No!” I climb off of her and race to the bathroom for my aspirator. The door locks behind me and I lean against the door, pulling the trigger.   
“Ed’s,” she starts a moment later, banging on the door.   
“DON’T FUCKING CALL ME EDS.”

“Edward Kasprack, you open this door right now and talk to me!”   
  
“No!” I trigger my inhaler again, breathing deeply. “I can’t do this anymore Myra it’s just not working.” 

“Because you’re not attracted to me?” She’s not crying, it’s funny how she only cries when she knows I’ll see it.

“It’s a possibility! I just- I need some time.”   
  
“Are you cheating on me? Is it your new driver Lacey?” She continues to pound on the door.

“No. I am not cheating on you.” 

“Then what is it? I know I’m not as thin and pretty as I used to be, just let me make you feel good.”

“JESUS FUCK MYRA WILL YOU PLEASE JUST FUCKING STOP! I can’t do this anymore, I can’t do the manipulation, and the bullshit seduction. You make me feel like I can’t fucking breathe.” The pounding on the door stopped. 

“If you’re not careful Eddie-bear, one of these days you’re going to lose me.” I would like nothing more. I would like nothing more than to leave you and run away with whoever is plaguing me with these dreams I can’t escape. In my head his embrace, the skinny stranger with the curly hair, is warm and comforting. It’s something I’ve felt a thousand, maybe even a million times before. It’s his arms that finally let me breathe, even though I’m alone.


End file.
